Resolve Marriage Problems. I am a psychologist who specializes in marriage rescue for couples facing marital problems.
When couples first contact me for help with their marriage, they typically feel distressed—even hopeless—about their
relationship. If they can look back and remember good times that occurred earlier in their partnership, however, that
usually signals that the marriage can be saved. In fact, this kind of marriage still has the potential to become exactly
the kind of partnership the couple had hoped for when they said.
What transitions couples from desperation about their difficulties to delight in sharing their lives together? Here’s the
8-step pathway along which I guide my therapy clients and which you are welcome to take as well.
Make a list of all the issues about which you have disagreements/What are the most common problems in marriage?/What are the signs of a toxic marriage?/Resolve Marriage Problems
This includes the issues that you refrain from talking about out of fear that talking might lead to arguing. Your self-
help treatment will be complete when you have both found mutually agreeable solutions to all of these issues and
have learned the skills to resolve new issues as they arise with similarly win-win solutions.
If the list seems interminable because you fight about everything—from where you should live to the time of day—
odds are, the problem is less that you are facing some extraordinarily challenging differences; rather, it’s more likely
that your manner of talking with each other needs a major upgrade.
Pardon my language. But the point is that negative muck that you give each other is totally unhelpful. It only taints a
No more anger escalations either. Stay in the calm zone. Exit early and often if either of you is beginning to get heated. Learn to calm yourself, and then re-engage cooperatively.
4. Learn how to express concerns constructively.
A simple way to do that in sensitive conversations is to stick with the following sentence-starter options. In my clinical
work, I give couples a handout that includes these starter phrases. I encourage them to use the handout frequently,
checking how to start each comment that might be sensitive or on topics that they know could be prickly. Please feel
I call collaborative decision-making the “win-win waltz.” Win-win decision-making aims for a plan of action that pleases
you both. No more insistence designed to “get your way.” Instead, when you have differences, quietly express your
underlying concerns, listen calmly to understand your partner’s concerns, and then create a solution that’s responsive.